An essay on the therapeutic value of venting
We all know how the corporate grapevine works during a period of change. Almost by osmosis, we pick up on a vibe. A whisper here, a glance there, and although nothing has been confirmed or denied, we all know that change is afoot.
An undercurrent of uncertainty and fear becomes contagious. The calm EA suddenly snaps at you to log your own IT request. The lightning-fast analyst is now too busy to prioritise your urgent data download. Two senior managers fall silent and disperse when you walk into the tea room, only to reconvene near the photocopier when they think you’re not watching.
It’s understandable that we feel tense when the threat of disruption looms over us. Stable and rewarding work is essential for our well-being. Perhaps we’re not even averse to change, but anxious about the unknown. Having sat on both sides of multiple change processes in my career, including restructures and change management projects, I’ve witnessed the toll they can take on people when timelines are hazy, roles are poorly defined and management is evasive or unclear about what happens next.
The emotions of uncertainty
In her book Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown says there are particular emotional places we go when things are uncertain or too much. These are a state of:
- stress
- overwhelm
- anxiety
- worry
- avoidance
- fear
- excitement
- dread, or
- vulnerability.
In these states, our bodies function in a heightened state of alertness. But it’s not the workplace norm to openly vent, cry or express anger to release the tension. Instead, we put on our professional faces and b*tch to our friends in the toilets.
My (un)professional meltdown story
Many years ago, I was working as a young manager when I found myself at loggerheads with an associate director. We ended up in the CEO’s office, debating something I’ve long since forgotten, but at the time was a hill I was prepared to die on. Mid-sentence, I paused in horror as I heard the volume of my voice. I realised we’d been angrily shouting at each other. The director defused the situation, and I walked out feeling ashamed and guilty but still too angry to say sorry.
With the benefit of time and perspective I can see that a perfect storm had been brewing before our clash – and it was not of our making. Upper management had created an environment where neither of us had a voice nor autonomy over our work. And that osmosis grapevine? It must have seeped under my skin and made me unsettled, because team members were suddenly made redundant, one by one, until it was my turn. Stress, overwhelm and tension had been building like a pressure cooker until my colleague and I exploded.
My example is extreme. There were other toxic factors at play in this workplace besides a secretive change process. But I often wonder if management had openly acknowledged the tension, stress and discontent, whether our clash could have been avoided.
Why venting needs to be managed carefully
We’re socialised to understand that anger, tears, and other negative expressions of emotions are inappropriate in our workplace. There’s good reason to be cautious around anger. While it may provide temporary relief by releasing pent-up emotions, excessive or uncontrolled venting, especially through intense bursts of anger, can create a hostile environment, damage relationships, affect your performance and reflect badly on your reputation.
Contrary to much accepted wisdom, emotional venting doesn’t necessarily soothe anger, but can augment it. Acting out your anger makes you relive the thing that is making you angry, which strengthens the neural pathways for anger and makes it easier to get angry the next time around (source)!
However, if anger is held in it can be detrimental to our health, making us exhausted and sick. Brown says that ‘regulating and coping with anger rather than holding on to or expressing chronic anger is crucial for the health of our brain and other organs in the body’. To be effective, venting anger should take place in a safe environment with opportunities for feedback and reflection, to help people process emotions, gain perspective, and feel validated (where appropriate!) by their peers.
No more punching pillows without a back-up strategy to debrief with a friend afterwards!
Physical team building activities for tension-busting
Before mindfulness went mainstream in the form of the breathing exercises we know and roll our eyes at today, there were a few approaches more akin to yoga that combined breath and movement. In London 15 years ago, I took a five week mindfulness course that involved physical exercises to raise our blood pressure and heart rate, followed by breathing and visualisation exercises to quickly bring it back down. It was transformative! My anxiety and fear of heights disippated.
I wholly recommend that you and your team get physical to process negative feelings. Physical activity encourages you to expend energy in a way that can reduce stress hormones and release endorphins, helping you feel calmer and more in control.
Here are a few creative, physical and therapeutic methods of emotional expression I wish I’d been offered before I imploded in that toxic job. They’re structured from entry-level to daring.
Arts and crafts:
Pottery classes, painting classes, or even a writing activity would have a been a great outlet to direct my energy, even if took my mind off the tensions of work for a few hours. Social activities also give teams something to talk about besides work, which helps strengthen bonds too.
Bowling:
This is an entry level, put-your-back into it activity where you can launch a very heavy ball into the air and listen to a satisfying CRACK as it hits the pins (or gutter).
African drumming:
Another entry level way to release all that pent-up team energy, by hitting something repeatedly.
Greek dinner with plate smashing:
This mid-level anger activity combines good food with often hilarious hosts. If you’re uncomfortable with your anger, or not stressed at all, you can smile as you smash a plate with childlike glee.
Break room:
Also known as smash rooms or rage rooms, in this space it’s socially acceptable to take a baseball bat and destroy electronic devices. BYO blue screen of death laptop 😉 And perhaps run a team debrief afterwards.
Axe throwing:
There’s potential for so much to go wrong here, making it my peak anger release activity for only the most daring teams. My knife-collecting stepson gets a ‘no’ from us every time he begs to be taken here.
Integrating physical-activity-as-venting-opportunity can be beneficial when it’s safe, selective, planned and put into the bigger perspective.
A alternative antidote to the uncertainty of change: personal branding
In environments where staff may feel uncertain and ill at ease due to factors beyond their control, it’s crucial to help them recognise their value and the important contribution they make in their roles – and beyond should they choose or need to move on. Encouraging self-awareness and confidence in their skills can provide a buffer against the uncertainties of change. This approach will not entirely mitigate the negative emotions associated with change, but may help to foster resilience and a sense of agency.
I recommend a personal branding team workshop for staff going through change, to help them elevate their visibility and promote a sense of agency.
Takeaway
During periods of change and disruption, it’s vital to acknowledge and address the emotional well-being of our professional staff. Allowing and facilitating healthy venting can significantly enhance their ability to cope with stress and maintain their mental health. By providing creative, physical, work-sanctioned outlets for expressing negative emotions, we can help our people navigate uncertainty with resilience and solidarity.
